I don't know how many out there going through similar situation to ours.
Both my husband and I are Chinese living in the United States. I am 41.3 and my husband 45.9 years old. We've gong through hell in the past four years pursuing a live child of our own, so far, no luck. With my age being the major issue of our infertility, we really don't have many choices left.
Adoption: we actively tried the international adoption (In China), but just found out the law here pretty much prohibits us from adopting an alien child since our status is still just legal permanent residence (green card holders). So that is a dead end, at least for the next several years.
We can continue try IVFs using my own eggs, but with the low odds we are given, we just could not keep throwing $$ in this number game.
The last option is DE. While we are actively seeking this route to complete our dream, there are some practical problems we have to face.
(1) not too many Asian donors out there. We browsed a couple databases, and found there almost non Asian donor, not alone proven donors.
(2) accepting donors from other ethnic groups. It was a big obstacle for me to overcome at first, because clearly my future children will look very "different," and using my sister words, "101 out 100 people would ask me questions about the origin of my child." But after going through the adoption hell, I realize I can live with the fact that my child is not genetically mine. The fact of DE can have my DH's link is certainly a plus. We sometimes talk about how cute and maybe smart our babies can be coming from mixed ethnic backgrounds. I know it is silly, but I am afraid I will always have this feeling that my husband and his family would have more claim of our children than I would, especially if my baby does not look like me at all, while in fact, I am the one who wants children so badly. I am also afraid my children will have to face scrutinizing and confront many "innocent" questions from very earlier on. It is just too much for a child to carry.
(3) cycling in Asia. I did not find much promising information so far about using an unknown donor in any of Asian clinics (such as in Korea or Hong Kong). I would certainly hope to hear if you have any information.
Meanwhile, we are trying on our own until we are settled. I hope this thread can generate some discussion, and I will share mine once we have made any progress.
Winter