I feel really awful saying this, but I am hating b/feeding these days. We've gone 19 months today. That is far longer than I ever thought. Once we passed a year, I thought...let's go to two!! But lately, I hate it. Not all the time, but there are just these times, especially at night where I just want to rip my boobs off and go to sleep and leave my son with my husband. I think more and more he is nursing for comfort and it's just this prolonged process and I get so tired. I feel almost like it's doing the opposite of bonding these days because I feel like it's all I'm good for. And I know that once we are done, I will feel a little sad still. Ugh. I feel horrible. And it doesn't help that my period started last month so now I have PMS hormones on top if everything.
Take tonight for instance. DS fell asleep nursing as usual...very fast, so yay! But then he woke because he was so sweaty. I hadn't laid him in bed yet because it hadn't been that long. So we switched sides and he was sort of falling back asleep, sort of fidgeting and still latched, but not really nursing and it was then that I wanted to rip my boob off. So I just stopped him because I was getting frustrated and of course he woke totally and now he's awake and watching tv. I'm exhausted, soooo tired, writing to you guys, crying and feeling hopeless and awful once again.
ugh...long night ahead. Hopefully we'll get to bed by midnight now that he's had a "nap"