We have tried for years to have a second child. Did 2 Ivfs with my eggs and in Feb did our first IVF with DE. BFP! WOOHOOO!!!! got off to a rocky start with slow rising betas but they kept rising. went in and sure enough heartbeat. Wait whats that? Second heartbeat! Identical twins! So amazing. So blessed so happy!. Saw them at 7 weeks and again at 8 1/2 weeks. Then went in at 11 weeks to make sure they were in their own amnionic sac and to our horror both had no heartbeat. I couldn't breathe. Its been 3w1d sense our D&C and 6 days after the D&C I learned it wasn't complete and had one of the babies here at home. All I could do was sit and hold this little baby who was perfectly shaped arms and legs no mistaking it for just another clot, in my hand and cry. I took it into the doctors as well for testing.
Yesterday 3 weeks after the D&C I went in for my check up and to have my labs done and found out there were no chromosome issues and they our twins were girls. Juliet and Lucy Ann. Those are their names.
I know I should feel glad that there wasn't chromosome issues because it means our other 12 frozens are or should be normal but I am not sure what to feel. I feel numb. I don't sleep, eating is a challenge. I have lost more than 20 lbs and yet still up 2 pant sizes and Dr tells me it will be another 3 or 4 weeks before my belly goes away and I stop looking pregnant. The theroy they have as to why we lost them was that they split to late, (they were day 6 transfers) and that caused them to not have enough cells to form 2 perferct hearts.
I don't know how to go on? I mean I know I have 2 choices, let this consume me or try and move on and I have to move on because I have a child who needs me but its so hard. I just want to lay in a ball and cry and not see anyone or talk to anyone. I have never felt this kind of pain or anger. I need to know if it ever gets any better?