Feeling sad again today, suddenly.
It always surprises me when the grief comes around again - it always seems to be when I'm tripping along thinking I'm doing just fine. You'd think I'd start expecting it, but I never do.
I suppose it might be because this past week:
* one co-worker's wife gave birth.
* another coworker (who just came back from maternity leave) told me how she timed her pregnancy very carefully, because she wanted her kid to be born in the winter so he'd be among the oldest in his class.
* I sent an "FYI" email to the two friends who told me to adopt from Haiti, explaining the situation there, and one of them didn't even bother to respond (he has two kids and is constantly talking about how awesome they both are).
* I received my monthly bill from the adoption agency, despite the fact that I have not heard a word from them since September.
* I could NOT get away from the pregnant women! Seriously - every single day. And on Friday I went in at 7:45 in the morning for an early meeting, in a building I never go to, and one came waddling around the corner towards me.
Gah. Feeling very sorry for myself - for all of us, actually - that we'll never again just be "normal." I don't want to be the bitter barren woman who gripes and bah humbugs. I want to be like the people I know IRL - and who I *used* to be like! - who exclaim over baby pictures and carry their ultrasounds in their purse and actually get excited when someone announces a pg. Or at the very least like my "infertile" IRL friends, who have some clue that babies don't grow on trees, but managed to have success before IF turned them into someone they didn't recognize.
I cannot believe what a different person I am today than I was three years ago. Me no like.