My son, William, was stillborn two weeks ago at 29 weeks. The pregnancy had been easy up until then, with a normal CVS and 20 week anatomic U/S with the perinatologist. Then I went in for a routine OB visit at 29 weeks and there was no heartbeat. I delivered him the following day. My doctors are doing tests but they say that we may never know the reason why William died; he had been dead for close to 2 weeks when I went in, so the autopsy and other blood tests are often compromised by that.
I'm heartbroken - but I have to also think about trying again as soon as possible. I'm 41 going on 42 in January, so I don't have much time left if I want to use my own eggs. I have had 5 IUIs, 2 IVFs, 1 M/C at 7 weeks (no hb), and the 3rd IVF when William was conceived earlier this year. I'm single, so I have been using donor sperm. I know that I need to grieve, but because of my age, I need to do that in parallel with trying again (and honestly, I so want to be a mother with a child in my arms - not a replacement to William who will always be my first born - but I just want a baby so badly).
My OB follow up is in another three weeks and I have an appointment with my RE for the week after that.
For those with pregnancy losses in the 2nd and third trimesters, when did you start IVF after the loss? How was your experience emotionally going through that cycle?
To the over 40 women out there, how much longer can I continue using my own eggs? I know that's a very personal decision, but I'm just so conflicted. I have one more cycle covered by my insurance (which could be used toward a donor egg cycle if I wanted to) and one frozen embryo from my cycle with William. If I try with my own eggs one more time, it's such a long shot that I'll have a healthy baby at the end. My chances with the FET are even smaller because I have only one embryo. Donor egg offers the best chance, but I just feel like it is one more loss (the loss of genetic connection) on the top of all of the others. But I'm willing to do that if it gets me to my goal. And then there's the awful expense on top of everything - I feel like such a compulsive gambler at this point.
Thanks for reading - and for keeping William in your thoughts. He was a lovely boy for his short life.
Kate