Here is the original post...and a link to the thread that followed...
Child and pregnancy mentioned....
I am going to preface this by saying that DH and I are just beginning this conversation and are trying to get a whole picture of what is the right thing to do. I want feedback and would LOVE for this to be an openminded, civil discussion about our options for the 5 pgd tested embryos we currently have stored. If these questions are in anyway out of line or offensive to anyone here-let me know and I will take this down immeadately. Thanks!
First off I can't have children on my own-we need a surrogate to have children-so we are in the unique situation to require another woman to carry our child. It is a huge sacrifice for someone to make and an incredibly selfless act-even if they are compensated. I have been through two successful cycles-by successful I mean that I have one DS who is 2 and another DS on the way (but it's still early). So, on some level I can understand the need to depend on someone else to create your family-even if the scenario is different than embryo adoption.
I am of the opinion that I created these PGD normal embies and that they deserve a chance at life-however I only want 2 children...and just can't handle the thought of going through another surrogacy. So my plan is to "pay it forward" and donate our embies to a couple who can't produce healthy ones on their own.
My DH has a bit of an issue with it...he hates the idea of having them destroyed, but also has an issue with "knowing someone else is raising my child". Having said that he is obviously not super favorable about adoption-or we would have probably gone that route. (AND I in NO way mean that in a negative way towards adoptive parents or kids-it's just his opinion-he wanted his bloodline). So based on that I can understand his thought process-of not knowing who is raising a child created with our embryos-even if he/she really is someone elses baby.
However-it mostly seems completely selfish to create a life the way we did in order to have our children then once we get what we want-just discard the rest-as if that life is disposable. Also it feels like by saying I don't want someone else raising a child created with our embryos-what we would basically be saying is that I would rather not give our intentionally created children a chance because I don't think I can deal with knowing someone else was raising them.
I'm all for stem cell research-and our genetically abnormal embryos did go to that cause...however this seems very different to me. I think of all the joy we have gotten from our ds and I think about all of the other couples who would love to have a child-but have a different set of issues getting there and I just want to cry-creating good, viable embies is not my problem-it's a complete lack of a uterus! I guess I just want something beautiful to come out of my experience with this whole cycle of he!! IF has had on me and dh and if I didn't pay it forward it would be a tainted experience that I couldn't forgive myself for.
Does anyone have any thoughts on this? Criticism, support, experience? Any positive feedback is appreciated-even if you disagree with my line of thought-just plaes let's not turn this into a catfight. I really am conflicted about talking my dh into something he may not be comfortable with-I think he may be coming around but like I said-he's a bit hesitant.
Thanks in advance. RR