Hmm... I posted this last week, but now I can't find the post anywhere. I am married to a man who is in denial about his alcoholism, even though he freely talks about his father's alcoholism, and his sister had to simply stop drinking alcohol about 15 years ago (her drinking was getting so out of control). My husband drinks two glasses of wine probably about five evenings per week. Every 10-25 days, he gets completely inebriated, comes home bumping into things, tripping, stumbling, slurring; he can't enunciate or speak coherently; he has lost his wallet, cell phone, office Blackberry. He is unable to recall conversations the following day. I think that he thinks he couldn't possibly be an alcoholic because he is able to abstain for reasonable periods of time (preparing for an IVF cycle, I asked him to stop drinking alcohol for three months, & he managed to oblige).
He has proudly told me that his nephew (who is now 15 years old) has never seen him intoxicated.
Sometimes, after staying sober for more than a week or so, he will proudly announce how good he feels, how he's sharper at work, how his mind works better.
He has a circle of friends in our home town. Every occasion is a reason to drink: poker night, football games, the Academy Awards. There are at least three people in that circle who have an even more serious drinking problem than my husband. I think that's another reason that he doesn't think that he needs to seek help.
Now I am 5+ months pregnant (donor egg, donor sperm; after three failed IVF cycles, one failed IUI, two miscarriages after natural conception). I don't see any improvement in his behavior, even though he has promised me that he wants to cut back on his drinking because he wants to be a good father.
He uses any excuse to drink alcohol: stress at work, good news to celebrate, client wanted to go out for drinks (so why can't he just drink soda?!?!).
I am prepared to end the marriage the next time he overindulges. Am I insane to think that I can take care of this baby by myself? We got married in August 2005. We live in NJ. I would want sole custody, so I don't imagine I would get any child support. He earns $150K/year. I earn $57K/year. At one point my employer laid me off due to lack of work. My husband encouraged me to remain unemployed (as we both knew that stress affected fertility), so I did not have a job for about 10 months.
We saw a marriage counselor. That was a waste of time. She ended up making us feel that he drinks because I cause him stress.
He thinks AA is for losers. One of his friends stopped drinking & started attending AA, & my husband essentially mocks him & thinks that his friend attends simply for the social interaction.
So does anyone have any advice? You ladies have always provided so much comfort & support in the past. Thank you in advance for reading this & for any thoughts you can share.
-Diana