**warning, bio children mentioned
Hello everyone,
This is my first post on this forum. I'm pretty close to deciding to go forward with donor egg. I've got two bio children from IVF (3 and 5), but I'm approaching 42 and realizing that working with my eggs is not going to be productive anymore (and maybe scary anyway given the risk of abnormal eggs). Just failed a FET with the only two embryos we ever had to freeze. Wouldn't that have been nice if it had just worked?! I have to admit that I'm annoyed with DH because his (partially undisclosed) health issues delayed our journey to parenthood and now I am just old. But I also know deep in my soul that I am not finished.
I see that many of us in this situation search long and hard for the right (maybe perfect) donor. Do any of you not care that much about the donor? Okay, maybe that is some kind of indication that I'm in denial, but I'm not that picky with major criteria (race, eye color, etc.). I don't think matching the criteria that I need to match will be that difficult. I don't really want to see pictures. Of course, I could be convinced, but I'm afraid that seeing them will put some sort of image in my head that I won't be able to forget. And I kind of want to forget. And if I really get to searching, then I'm afraid it will become more difficult rather than less difficult to find the right person. Because what I really want is me, right?
I haven't resolved my position on disclosure. But I can't imagine that I could NOT tell something like this, no matter how much I wish I could keep it to myself. I don't like the kids books that talk about something missing in mommy or something being broken. That's not really true. Hopefully there are some books out there that will work for us to help with sharing our decision with the child if we are lucky enough to have one.
I am sad, I am bummed, I am disappointed that age has gotten in my way. I am freaked out about "changing the dynamics" for my existing children. But I also want to be a parent to another baby. I think DE is more appealing than adoption right now (for lots of reasons, but mostly because my DH is actually VERY specific about his need for a genetic link).
So, back to my question. If I am willing to go forward, is it okay that I trust the clinic to match me? I don't even know all the rules at my clinic yet, just now making my appointment. I'm pretty sure you don't get to see pictures and that they have a decent in house donor pool. Are all of you saying to yourselves, oh yeah, another newbie who needs to get a clue?
What if I am just happy to get a reasonable donor, rather than the perfect donor?
Thanks for all the great contributions to discussions already available on IVFC. I don't know what I would do without this place.
markantonis