I am now 6dp3dt, and I'm feeling so sad. I'm unfortunately feeling pretty sorry for myself as well. I feel TERRIBLE for even complaining, because so many of you have been doing this for so much longer, but I can't seem to shake myself out of this. I've only been on this IF journey for a little over a year now, but I started my journey with literally almost dying, and I'm just exhausted.
My problems are pretty severe, and I'm also not as young as I used to be; my RE gave me a 10% chance of IVF working at all, but because I am ever hopeful, I decided to take it. While the odds are not so great, they are 10% better than if I didn't try at all, right?
Despite the less than stellar prognosis, I've actually been pretty positive throughout the entire process. They didn't think I would produce any follicles, and I did. They only retrieved two mature eggs, but they both fertilized, and they were perfect grade one, ten celled embryos when we transfered them. Everything went just how it is supposed to go.
I have lost my positiveness today though. I'm downright depressed. This place is not my home--my family isn't here, and my friends aren't here. I don't have much of a support system, and I'm not sure anyone who hasn't been through this would really understand anyway. Not even my husband truly understands. He tries, and he tries to be supportive, but it doesn't help me when he says, "You've just got to stop crying. You've got to stop feeling this way. That's all. You'll make yourself crazy before your pregnancy test, so just stop." If I knew how, believe me, I'd stop. I don't like feeling like this!
I don't feel a single bit pregnant. I don't have any symptoms at all--no tender breasts, no nausea, nothing. I just don't feel pregnant. I took an HPT yesterday at 5dpt. I knew it was too early. I knew I shouldn't have, but I did it anyway. My RE stressed over and over not to take one because the trigger shot could/would make it show a false positive. I actually EXPECTED it to be positive based on that. I was crushed when it was negative. Several wonderful people here have told me that it was too early, and that it's not necessarily all over, that I should test again mid next week. I'm trying so hard to hold on to that, but I STILL feel utterly despondent, and that of course makes me feel like a real whiny baby, because I need to buck up and keep on keeping on, right?
This post obviously has no point. I just need someone to talk to. That's all.