Hello everyone, I am new here and I have posted on the location board (Colorado) and the IVF by cause board (high FSH). I decided to post here also since I am about to turn 41 and I feel so alone being childless at this age. The purpose of my post is to receive encouragement from other women over 40 who might have success stories to share re: IVF with your OE. I have already heard enough stories to last a lifetime from women in this age group who had success using DE, adoption, or a childless lifestyle. I appreciate those stories of hope and encouragment, but I am really seeking stories of success using your OE- because I am not ready to let this dream slip away, despite my doctor's recommendation that I take the leap to DE. So here is my story: I met my husband when I was only 33 (we met in 2002) but he had a vasectomy and he did not want to reverse it. He was divorced with a son and did not want more children. He is 11 years older than me, so he was 44 when we met and he was happy with just his one son. We broke up and got back together many times for this reason. Finally, two years after we met, he agreed to reverse the vasectomy and we got engaged. I was 35 and he was 46 at the time. I moved in with him and his son, and he scheduled an appointment for the VR prior to the wedding, but we started to experience some other serious problems in the relationship, and the wedding was called off. We broke up for several years and continued to date new people, but we always missed each other, and we live in a small community, so we kept running into each other at restaurants, coffee shops, etc. which made it more difficult to move on with our separate lives. We tried getting back together several times but there were too many issues, and we always ended up breaking up again. So this is how I spent my 30's and my prime years of fertility- in a problematic, on-again off-again relationship. Finally in 2007, my husband \"surrendered\" as he likes to to call it, and went in for a vasectomy reversal. The reversal worked and the semen analysis showed a fair sperm count with no antibodies. This was great news! However at the time, he was still not ready to try and conceive, (and we were not married) so we started to use condoms, which created a lot of anger on my end, since I was 38 years old at the time and eager to start trying. I ended up leaving the relationship this time, as he did not want to commit and I was eager to start a family. I was getting ready to move back to Manhattan and start my life over when he came back to me and asked me to marry him. By the time we got engaged and started trying to conceive, I was 39 years old! We went to see an RE shortly before our wedding in November of 2008. The RE ran a sperm analysis and the results came back saying we needed IVF with ICSI to due a low count and morphology issues. We married in November of 2008 with plans to start IVF immediately following our honeymoon, but when we started the process of diagnostic testing, My husband started to panic again due to the financial pressure. We were still paying off wedding/honeymoon debts, and his son was getting ready to leave for college. So, in the effort to relax my husband and keep my new marriage on track, I agreed to try natually for 6 months. The RE told us it would not be impossible for us to conceive naturally, and to return in 6 months if we were not pregnant. This was back in January of 2009. At that time, my FSH was in normal limits (6.9) and there was no indication of DOR or poor egg quality. I asked about clomid or IUI as a less invasive more affordable option, and the RE said it would be a waste of time and money since needed IVF with ICSI. So, we tried naturally with the help of ovulation predictor kits. When the summer came and I was still not pregnant, I made a new appointment with the RE and we repeated day 3 lab work. My husband was still not very supportive about proceeding with IVF since he is paying for his son's college expenses and our insurance does not cover IVF. Further, he really does not want another child and he is doing this just for me. Our marriage was in a great deal of turmoil but I felt I could not delay the IVF any longer due to my age. He agreed to go through with it and we met with the IVF nurse and the doctor. It was August of 2009, and we were finally going to start the process! The day 3 ultrasound showed an AFC of 11, and we were told this number was not bad for my age. We were given a calendar with a projected retrieval and implantation date and I started to get excited. Later that day, the IVF nurse called my cell phone and said \"I have very bad news- your FSH is a 17 and therefore IVF will give you less than a 5% chance of success- you need to consider DE or adoption\". I was devastated and beat myself up for waiting too long. I was also very angry with my husband as he was the reason I waited so long. I decided to start researching a second opinion and finally found CCRM in Denver, whose stats are very impressive for women over 40. It also sounded like their lab was one of the best in the country. So, a few weeks ago, my husband and I flew out to Denver for a second opinion with Dr. Schoolcraft. According to my diagnostic testing at CCRM, I have an AFC of 6 and an AMH of .7 They did not repeat my FSH but I am starting a Clomid Challenge Test this month. Dr. Schoolcraft seems to agree I will be better off using DE, but I am not ready to go this route, since we have never tried any fertility intervention before, and did not even TTC until I was almost 40! I just cannot bring myself to give up on my OE before I even had a chance to try with the help of fertility medication. With my history now of a high FSH, ow AMH and low AFC, as well as advanced age, I am doubting that I will pass the CCT, and then the doctor will be further convinced of my need to use DE. This creates a huge emotional dilemna for me. To make matters worse, since we are paying out of pocket for everything, we can only afford ONE CYCLE- so I must choose between trying with my OE vs. using DE. The doctor has already let me know his strong recommendation, but I am having trouble accepting it. I guess I am seeking stories of encouragement from other women in my age group, with similar blood levels, who went on to have a baby with their OE- believe me, I have already heard the stories of failure- no mature follicles, no eggs to fertilize, poor quality eggs, chemical pregnancies, miscarriages, failure to implant, etc....I guess I am searching for the miracle stories, because hope is all I have left to hang onto...thank you!!!!!
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