Hi ladies,
We have a beautiful 5 year old DD from our 1st IVF. Ever since se turned 3 years, we've been trying for our 2nd baby. She is also pestering us for a sibling.
The frozen embies from her IVF (3 day embies) did not make the thaw.
So, bit the bullet and did a fresh IVF#1 in August 2007. M/c at 6 weeks.
FET in Jan 2008 - M/c at 5 weeks.
You\'d think we'd learn from our mistakes? No, we go for it again and inflict pain on ourselves one more time. Fresh IVF#2 in July 2008 - loaded with acupuncture and special diet and what not. BFP. We were devastated.
This was our last try. Took me months to get out of depression.
We had frozen embies that were beckoning us. Our LAST ditch effort was in April 2009. Transfer date was the same as when our daughetr as transferred 6 years ago. Did not expect anything... we were well prepared for disappointment.
And then BFP - 356, After 3 days, beta was 1245. Maternal age 39. Embies age: 38
Doctor was ecstatic, saying this is no borderline pregnancy. We still didn't let ourselves feel happy about it. At 6 weeks 3 days, we saw 2 sacs and one heartbeat! Wow... doc says 'finally huh? how do you feel about jan 1st 2010? That's the due date!!' My DD's due date was jan 1st 2004. We felt cautiously happy...
I was having a viral throat infection aroudn week 6, but felt reassured as I'd seen a heartbeat. Also, we'd started out with twins - so doc said the chances of going full term and delivering a healthy baby were very good.
We went in for our 8 week ultrasound today. i'm lying there thinking 1 or 2.... and the doc says 'I'm sorry... I don't have good news for you today.\'
No heartbeat. HOW CAN THAT BE? We saw one 2 weeks back... and I started out with twins...... Haven't we been through enuff?
This is the end of the road for us. We will be a happy family of three. No more siblings for my little one except my angels, whose pictures I carry around in my purse all the time. Perhaps, some day I'll tell her about her angek siblings.
Now, I'm going to schedule a D&C 'cos I simply cannot take another painful m/c. I am hoping the meds will keep the pain away. Should we do any testing of the embies if we're not going to try again? Do the answers help in the healing process?
I know many women have gone through far more than I have... I also realize we have a perfect life with one little DD... that's my rational side talking... but, the pain is so raw & unbearable.. despite the fact that we didn't let ourselves go. I sit here & write this at night, unable to sleep, the slight bulge in my tummy mocking me....
Thank you for listening. I hope to get some strength from all you amazing women out here.
-ecomusee