I can't believe I'm back to ttc'ing - I need to vent
My story:
It\'s been 6 weeks since my son William was stillborn at 29 weeks. I miss him so much, but I also know that I really want to have another child, so I have to get started ttc'ing again right away. All of the tests were negative (autopsy, placenta, tests on me for infection, clotting disorders, autoimmune issues). His heart just stopped beating somewhere around 27 weeks and the cause is unexplained. I guess the good thing is my OB and peri think that I'm not at any higher risk of this happening again - assuming I'm able to get pregnant again. They said I can start with my period.
I'm 41, will be 42 in January. I'm single and decided to have a baby on my own, using donor sperm. Over the course of a year I had 5 unmedicated IUIs and 3 IVFs. I got pregnant on the second IVF but m/c and had a d&c at 8 weeks (no heartbeat). I decided to go to CCRM for the third IVF, assuming it would be my last with my own eggs - I was ready to move onto donor egg if it failed. I got pregnant again, with my son, who is now gone. I also had one embryo make it to blast (decent quality - 3BA), so now I have one on ice.
The fact that I did get pregnant with William makes me want to try one more time with my own eggs. So like an aging diva on her 'final' final concert tour, I'm again looking at my options for the last IVF before moving to DE.
I'm consulting with all of my previous REs - here's the summary so far:
CCRM - Schoolcraft: recommends first doing a fresh IVF with a start in January (Dec at the very earliest). He feels that I need to give my ovaries a few cycles after the pregnancy so they can be ready to be stimulated during the IVF cycle. I would have to travel there the cycle before then to have a hysteroscopy and then go back for the IVF - about 2 weeks in Denver. While they have great success rates and I got pregnant there, I don't think I can manage to do that again, both emotionally and physically.
Columbia - Thornton: I did my first two IVFs there. He recommends doing the FET first then go to IVF if it fails. His rationale is it is lower stress on my body, and while my ovaries aren't getting any younger, it's just one month and I would be able to go right into an IVF cycle off of the FET. I would have to do a hysterosonogram during this upcoming cycle and then I would start the FET protocol in late October, early November. I really like Dr. Thornton, but honestly, Columbia doesn't really specialize in older women and I went there entirely because it was covered by my insurance.
Cornell - Spandorfer: I did my five IUIs there and changed to Columbia for IVF because of insurance. My consult with him is on Friday.
I actually like the FET idea and I'm hoping Spandorfer will be on board with it because I think I want to go back to Cornell - but knowing these docs he'll have a completely different take on my situation. At 40+, have any of you opted to do a FET before a fresh cycle?
In the meantime, I'm waiting for my damn AF to come. I had what I thought was EWCM two weeks ago, with some cramping and possible ovulation pain. I started cramping on and off again two days ago, assumed it was my period coming, but no bleeding and now it looks like I have more CM that looks really stretchy to me. Am I ovulating now? Ugh, why won't it just start???
thanks for listening.