Ladies,
I need to have a major pity party, and I decided to have it right here on this board, because only you will get it in a way that no one else does. I am feeling really needy today and can totally use all the support I can get b/c I havent had such an upsetting day at work in a while. This vent is along the lines of Hopeful's thread re: spin cycle, but I didnt want to barge in and make it about me when she needed support. Also, Hopeful, forgive me for not offering support on your thread, but I am in an extremely low place today and can barely support myself.
Ok, here goes. To give you a frame of reference, I am in the midst of conducting a full-blown investigation regarding my loss history, as I desperately need some answers and closure (those of you on the NY Bd know how much effort I have been putting into these consults). At this point I have spent thousands of dollars, time, energy etc. with my comprehensive investigation. I was at 3 different doctors offices yesterday, alone. Anyway, I walk into my already fertile, annoying office today and read an email from one of my direct reports WHO GOT MARRIED IN MID-NOVEMBER. Yes, that's right. First times a charm. Literally FIRST TIME. As she reports to me directly, we have daily contact. However, this is not the worst part. I have seen plenty of honeymoon, "first times a charm" pregnancies. This is nothing new. This story, however has an ironic kicker. Here is the ironic kicker....one of the many consults (I am only mentioning this b/c it is directly related to the irony of this story) for my loss history was for immune tests. Everything in the book was tested and a few things were abnormal. I was assured by Dr #3 (Dr T for you NYrs) that these "abnormalities" pointed out by Dr. #1 (Dr. Scher) were not a big deal....Ok here comes the irony. This woman at my office who is the same age as me (almost 37), by the way who got PREGNANT ON HER HONEYMOON, LITERALLY, has severe, severe autoimmune issues! I am talking: possible lupus, hashimotos, other thyroid issues, alopecia, something else where killer cells have made her lose her hearing, skin conditions etc. I hope I do not sound like this jealous, awful person, but I am so dumbfounded that she has "real" extremely severe immune issues and she hops into bed the first night of her honeymoon (and is not exactly 25 years old, mind you) and does not have a single issue. How is every f*cking cell in her body killing every single part of it, but she has this wham bam pregnancy, without issue? I cannot f*cking understand this! Oh, and she came to talk to me this afternoon (I should add that she was extremely considerate and quite decent) and she tells me it is the weirdest thing that this happened given her history, as she NEVER EVEN GETS HER PERIOD (I have been every 34 days like clockwork since I was 14). I am stunned. I am really stunned. And really hurting. I dont understand. I know Infertility was mean, but I didnt know she could be quite this mean with such ironic, black humor.
Then her and the other pg women in the office, "N" and "L" congregated right outside my office with "C" and "J" whose wives are pg. They were all laughing and having a grand old time. Then, this afternoon, I had to hide when there was a baby shower for "L" thank goodness she is out after Friday, one less belly to look at.
I am in a really crappy place and just need some support to make me feel better and not so alone. Can I grovel anymore today?? I must note that the highlight of my day was reading nyctigal's porn music on EQ's thread....
Please help!!!