Sorry to vent but if someone else tells me everything happens for a reason I am going to scream. This may not belong here and I am not trying to offend anyone I just want to vent and have someone to drink with that understands without telling me it will all workout.
I am currently cycling on our final cycle even though I feel like this was doomed before we started. I chose to confide in 3 of my closest friends only to limit the sticky vibes people feel necessary to throw my way. We are having a hell of a time with this cycle. Everything that can go wrong has. We started in Oct and here it is Feb and we just got thru retrieval. Bad exyoungihmience with 23 eggs pulled and 14 dying right away and now I am hyyoungihmstimming. Dr is concerned about mine making it to freezing since we were pushing for blasts. my one friend called yesterday saying she was worried about me. I had to cut her off because well I was getting violently ill so that is hard for conversation. She called me again last night which I didn't answer - still very sick and in a **** load of pain. She called again this morning and I knew something was up. she let me tell her how scared and negative I was and ***** for 10 minutes when she told me that after their long infertility time she was finally pregnant - umm 8 weeks pregnant! WTF. Her IVF journey consisted of a whole year of normal sex with no baby. her husband had surgery on his veracious veins and they were supposed to wait until March to try again. apparently 2 weeks after his surgery they were cured. I am happy for them but miserable for me. she is part of a group of 8 friends from HS and all now are prego and have kids. Since I understand the law of physics/statistics I get that one friend doesn't have kids. As cruel as that is I was holding out hope that wasn't me. I am so negative right now I am not sure this is worth even continuing. I am bitter and going to drink after work. her comments to me was I understand what you are going thru and hoping we can do this together. I was like really - I have been at this for 7.5 years and have pumped more **** in my system this cycle alone than she will the rest of her life, not to mention everything else and all the money. I just said congrats and hung up and now I want to cry and drink but I have to finish working I can't leave.
thank you for letting me talk. 